Have you ever felt the need to just take your boss’s head and bang it against the stupid cubicle wall ten times before yelling at him “Boss, that is precisely what I have been telling you all these days!!!” while referring to the exact process change that you proposed but your boss promptly took all creadit (not to mention the year-end bonus for)?
Have you ever felt like running over the paperwalla’s bicycle (with him riding it, of course) with one of the Caterpillar Double Extra Large Excavators (those big earth moving machines, for the uninitiated) for having delivered Business Standard the 2,563rd time in the last year, in spite of 3,672 warnings and remainders asking him to deliver Business Line (the geometric object that joins two dots, the one with the y=mx+c equation) and NOT Business Standard?
Have you ever felt like walking over to the cable guy’s office and tying him to the chair and making him watch Doordarshan’s telecast of the Holland-Bangaldesh with commentary by good ol’ Debangshu Bhattacharjee and Pravin Amre and for humor, Vinod Kambli because he took out CNN-IBN and replaced it with DD in ‘national interest’?
Have you ever imagined your cab driver being strapped to the driver’s seat and the car accelerating towards a brick wall or even more interesting, an oncoming truck (travelling approximately at 95 kmph) without the damn brakes, because that is exactly the feeling that you get whenever you get into the seat next to his everyday (twice a day, five days a week)?
Have you ever felt like tying up your cook and release him upside down into a urn of boiling oil mixed well with 1/4 kg of red chilli powder, 1/4 kg of cloves, 1/4 kg of cardamom, 1/2 kg of green chillies, 1/4 kg of black pepper powder, 2 kgs of bitter gourd, and an assortment of black olives, green and red bell peppers, because that exactly is what he is feeding you right now?
Well, if the answer to any or all of the above questions is a loud resounding YES, then all you have to do is to enrol yourselves in the Sreedharan Sreesanth Institute of Anger Management. Yes, it is the same Sreesanth, the lambasting lanky lissome lad (or is lissome only to be used with lass, well whatever), who is giving the Aussie cricketers (not to mention the Aussie print media) some ‘headaches’ (don’t we all wish the headaches were more literal than figurative as the case actually is).
The course doesn’t cost too much. Considering that the only Permanent faculty the institute has is pretty much going to double up as the Guest Faculty as well, and that the classes are pretty much going to be Audio-Visual in nature, the only cost of the course would be to pay your cablewalla regularly to ensure that the student gets a live telecast of any match in which the said faculty is involved.
Additional study material would include access to newspapers, Indian and otherwise to notice the effects that the actions of the faculty has on the broader audience, the world at large.
As far as visibility with the industry goes, it goes without saying, and following in the esteemed faculty’s footsteps, that media of any form, print, online, television, radio, pigeons and other assorted animals which carry messages, would be carrying news articles based on your brilliant anger management (or actually the lack) skills.
In case, this piece has made you angrier than ever before, you know how to vent it out now, don’t you. And the only person that you can thank for that………….is me!!!